The Fine Line Between Support and Pressure

“They’re really involved in my academic life, and I probably wouldn’t be taking all these classes if it wasn’t for my mom,” said one sophomore student, who we’ll refer to as “Flax.” Like many students on campus, Flax admits that he owes some of his academic success to parental influence. However, this raises the question: can parental pressure sometimes have the opposite effect?

The expectations of parents can give students more stress than the homework they receive from teachers. Yet, according to a 2010 study by David R. Topor, children are more likely to succeed if they have an important role model like a parent in their life. However, the study also mentions that once students establish a good relationship with their teachers, they become less dependent on parental involvement for their academic success.

Because they feared repercussions from speaking out about their parents, some students in the article, like Flax above, will be given different names.

“…makes me try harder”

The connection between academic success and parental involvement varies from person to person. Some students feel like their parents offer them the right amount of support, while others think of their parents as controlling stressors.

Junior Victoria Valdez lives in a larger family, where everyone needs to pitch in. She sees her parents as a helpful influence. “They are active with my schoolwork,” she said. “It helps out sometimes because I have younger siblings. They [her parents] help out whenever they can.”

Sophomore Dahlia was unclear, saying only that her parents “heavily impact my mental well-being as well as the way I act and behave.” She appeared positive about their involvement, adding that “They reinforce my academic life.”

Students like freshman Hoku could go either way on the issue. “I don’t think it would affect me too much,” they said. “At most, I would fall a little behind on English.”

Sophomore Sunny Galarita, for instance, thinks parental expectations and involvement need to be balanced. She says that her mother’s influence “makes me try harder,” but if her mother was more involved, “I’d be stressed out,” she admitted.

College career counselor Virginia “Ginny” Yasutake helps college-bound students succeed in high school. She spoke as a parent who has two children enrolled at Lahainaluna. “In my experience,” she said, “many students do not share their achievements or academic life with their parents. I think it is always nice when you hear about your child’s accomplishments.”

Yasutake thinks that parents can improve their support by communicating better with their children: “I believe families should try to communicate better with their students as well. I am definitely guilty of not telling my children on a regular basis how proud I am of them. I think students need to hear from us too!”

“…I lie to them about certain things…”

While some students think parental guidance can be helpful in doses, others are less upbeat, pitting their mental health against academic striving.

Senior Petunia thinks that parental involvement is “helpful in some ways,” but it comes at a price: “it also makes me feel very pressured and tends to just cause more stress.”

Sophomore Lily said that if she “were to be truthful about my academic life,” getting her parents more involved “would have a negative effect on my mental health.” She described feeling strained and burdened: it would “put strain on me to push myself to my limits and die,” she said. Lily added that she fears their disapproval and their “being disappointed in me, so I lie to them about certain things in my academic career.”

“As long as I don’t fail, they usually leave me alone,” said Jade, a junior. “I think it’s because they learned that I shut down when there’s extra pressure put on me. I feel like if they were any more involved than they are, I would feel a larger sense of responsibility in my work but also begin to burn out under the pressure.”

Agriculture teacher Nathan Pallett emphasizes the student’s role in all of this. He explains that overbearing parents can be both helpful and harmful: “It depends on the student, though. So like if the student isn’t trying to meet their maximum potential, sometimes having a parent that’s a bit overbearing can push them to do better.”

Who Is Responsible?

Pallett continues, pointing to the fact that, despite student opinions, it often falls on the teacher to get parents more involved. “We could probably do a better job communicating with the parents […] but that just takes so much time. We could probably have more positive parent involvement if we put in more time to engage with them. But that’s just time, and time is hard to come by.”

It all comes down to the attitude and motivation of students themselves, said Galarita. “Parents definitely help, but the student makes the choice to do homework or classwork. There are some parents that don’t really care about how their kids do in school, but that’s why it’s important for kids to be more invested in school. There’s definitely a lot of work, and it’s pretty hard sometimes, but how you approach it definitely helps you get through it easier.”