The Digital Leash

“When we got together, he was like, ‘oh, you want to have one too?,’ And I'm like ‘sure’,” says sophomore Hanan Oleiwan, explaining how she and her boyfriend began to use the Life360 app to track each other’s location. “It was first when we were [band] officers, they made a Life360 for us to join so that they'd know where we are.”

Sometime after Oleiwan and her boyfriend became “official,” he suggested having a private circle just for them. “It was like a random decision,” she said.

Life360 is a real-time location tracker with over 200 million downloads worldwide. Simply having the device with the app on you allows it to follow your every move. Whether you’re walking, running, driving, or even biking—Life360 detects it and puts a little icon beside your profile for others in your “circle” to see.

It’s not unheard of for teen couples to use such apps to share their location. While Life360 is among the most popular, other apps include Apple Find My, iSharing, and even an Android app called Couple Tracker. Social media apps such as Snapchat, Instagram, and even location-based features on other platforms also have tracking features. While Oleiwan mentioned that her situation was simply a “random decision,” the question remains: why would couples share their location in the first place?

“... you can keep track…”

“I feel like it does have an effect,” says freshman Alejandro Baldez, who shares his location with his partner. He was the one who suggested it, he said, reasoning that it has made him feel closer “because, you know where they are, and that way, you can keep track or just make sure they're safe.”

Oleiwan also sees the value of couples sharing locations for safety reasons. While in her case, doing this doesn’t exactly make her feel “closer” to her partner—explaining that “it's just there”—she points out that “couples might want to share their location with their significant other to make sure they're, like, okay and stuff.”

“My lady and I share our location,” said John Borge, a U.S. history and participation in democracy teacher. He attributed this decision “first and most importantly” to the fact “we obviously have nothing to hide.”

Knowing when his wife gets home and when he needs to leave school are just a few things he uses the app for. It “makes life much much easier,” Borge added, explaining that location tracking helps him juggle family responsibilities, especially with kids.

Though the circumstances of high school couples are a little different—it is almost unheard of for them to live together with a family of their own—safety doesn’t seem to be the only appeal of having your partner's coordinates.

Erica Domogma, a sophomore, doesn’t use the app herself, but she thinks that its primary value is “To know if they're cheating.” Junior Kaliyah Cutty strongly agrees, saying location tracking lets couples “see if they're like...I don't know at somebody else's house or something.”

Cutty offered a short anecdote about a situation she heard of, where “this guy would have his location off when he was on island, but anytime he'd go off island he'd feel comfortable enough to turn it on.” In her perspective, she thought “the fact that he felt the need to turn it off when he was home was a little bit concerning.”

“...seems like the couples don't trust each other..”

While location tracking is more common with couples to ensure safety or reassurance, for some, the expectation of openness doesn’t end there. Sharing passwords, whether it’s for their phone or social media account, “is also very common,” says Cutty. “For the same reason-–like cheating-–you can access their phone and see who they're contacting and all that.”

Domogma suggests that in a lot of cases, password sharing could actually lead to suspicion. She described a scenario where she might like a guy's post and her significant other sees this by logging into her account through her password. “He's gonna assume, ‘Oh, why you like that post? Are you cheating on me’.”

Sophomore Tia Faiva mentions that some “people nowadays think if you don't do that (allow your partner digital sharing access), you're not really trustworthy.” She admitted that the reason she started sharing her location and accounts with her partner was only because “he betrayed my trust”

“It seems very controlling,” said vice principal Nicole Heinlein. “It seems like the couples don't trust each other, that they want to check each other's messages and notifications.” “I would think,” she concluded, “that you wouldn't check each other's messages if you trusted each other.”

Heinlein isn’t the only one who sees this as eroding rather than creating trust. Oleiwan mentions that she’s seen a lot of instances on social media where one person is on their partner's account, “opening every single message that they had.” “It would definitely cause a bunch of arguments, and some of them even did break up.”

An anonymous junior shared that a couple sharing an account had once led to a serious misunderstanding. “Someone hacked into my [instagram] account and messaged my friend something insulting,” she explained. Her friend's boyfriend saw this and misunderstood the situation, texting an entire paragraph and calling “me out for insulting his girlfriend, even though it wasn’t me.” “It’s done and over with,” she said. Although, she mentioned it was frustrating and made it difficult for her to properly communicate with her friend, since she had already sent a message explaining that someone hacked her account before her boyfriend tried to intervene.

On another note, sharing accounts could be used in a healthy way. “I know a couple that does share accounts,” says sophomore Kristina Meguro, who explained that it’s a necessary situation: “Since one of them lives in an area with poor connection, the partner is able to message for the person.”

“...stalker style…”

Aria Abut, a senior, thinks that shared accounts and location sharing between couples looks “a lot like paranoia.” “I do know that some couples like to do that, um, to ensure that their partner isn't doing anything weird, but, um, it feels kind of unsafe in a way.”

While not in a relationship, she mentioned that she’d be okay with her “hypothetical partner “ looking through her phone with permission, though she feels her trust would be destroyed if they went through it without telling her. “I personally take my privacy very seriously.”

“If you were obsessively checking your partner's messages,” said Heinlein, “I would think that that would be unhealthy.” PE teacher Ms. Watson shares similar views when it comes to location sharing. “If you're just trying to figure out where they are, perfect. But if you're constantly tracking them, like you know, stalker style where you're trying to figure out where they are every second of the day. Then that's kind of taking it a little overboard.”

Senior Lawakua Haia-Shim, who doesn’t share passwords or his location with his significant other, says he's willing to, though he acknowledges that there comes a point where it crosses the line. “I don't think it’s comfortable if she checks my location status like every what, 30 minutes to see what I'm doing,” he said.

Faiva also thinks that there’s a high risk in having constant access to each other's location, statuses, and accounts. “I think it can make them overthink. Makes them more possessive. Toxic, as people say.”

An anonymous sophomore recounts a time where their past partner “would keep constantly checking my location.” And at times, when their partner saw they were home, “he thinks that I'm not busy when I'm really doing my work and then keeps on messaging me even though I asked that I needed space.”

Frustrated at the distraction, her partner would insist by saying, “but you're at home. So why can't you just have the time to talk to me?’”

“...you don't have to share everything.”

In today's digital world, students are navigating a lot of things online, especially through social media influence, comments Borge. “We really don't know fully the extent to which and how bad social media is damaging Gen Z, the first generation to grow up with unbridled access to social media.”

Oleiwan sees a pattern in the need to know everything about a partner and the surveillance that comes with constant social media use. “They see people on their social media sharing everything with their friends or partner, and they're like oh that's the norm then we should do it too.” Cutty added a point about the impact of “doom scrolling”: “you'll always find a cheating scandal or story on social media. And I think that makes people worry.”

Borge advises that students should “develop healthy habits on how to perceive the information you're seeing on TikTok” or other social media.

“Talk about it. Make sure you're both comfortable with it. And find a happy balance. You don't have to share. Like I said, you don't have to share everything,” says Watson.

For those that want privacy and prefer not sharing these things with their partner, Faiva states “it should be respected. 'Cause I don't know, what if I don't want you seeing where I am and what I'm doing? Even if I'm not doing anything wrong, why do you need to know? Why is that in the way of our trust?”

“I mean, you might be in a committed relationship, but you're not married or, you know, finances that are tied together,” says Heinlein. Rather than sharing things like passwords, she highlights that “it's much healthier to just have open conversations with each other and to be honest with each other and not hide things from each other.”

Many students think the same; it’s all about open conversations and mutual respect for one another. “It's just communication. Just talk to your partner. See what boundaries you guys want to set when it comes to social media and your phones and all that,” said Cutty simply.